2:13 PM
Josh, Amanda, Addilyn, and Josiah Kelly
A couple years ago, I was over at a friend’s house one day
and noticed her little girl changing clothes on her Barbie, only…it looked like
her Barbie was wearing a swim suit. I
asked the little girl to show me her doll and sure enough it as “wearing” a bathing
suit. My friend had taken a simple black
sharpie and drawn a swimsuit on each of her little girl’s Barbie dolls so that
they were never just left lying around “naked.”
Fast forward a few years and here I am I standing in the
doorway of my kids playroom looking at all the fun toys they have. Josiah loves cars and blocks and especially
trains. Addi really enjoys puzzles,
whipping up something yummy in her kitchen, and playing with her dolls and her
dollhouse. As they are getting a little
older I’m trying, like every parent, to teach my kids to clean up toys when they
are finished playing with them. We
practice putting things back in their “right spot” a LOT! However, with Barbie dolls, it’s a little
tricky. You see, they have these pesky
things called CLOTHES that are easy to take off but almost impossible to put
back on (especially for a 3 year old).
Quiet often this ends up frustrating Addi because she can’t clean up
“all da way.”
That’s when I remembered the bathing suits. I ran the idea by Addi and she was so
excited. She told me she wanted one to
have a pink swimsuit and another one to have purple one. I didn’t have anything but black sharpies on
hand so I racked my brain and decided to go with fingernail polish! Talk about some fun color options!
Now, I’m sure some of you are already mocking me. “Painting a bathing suit on a Barbie so it’s
not naked…what kind of prude is this lady?”
Others might be thinking, “Wow, what a great idea.” First, let me remind you it wasn’t my idea
but either way I think it is perfect for our family and it helps spur on
conversation about some things we want our children to learn.
So, if you’ll indulge me, I would love to clear up some
possible misconceptions you might be having and share with you a few of the
real reasons why I decided to paint bathing suits on my daughters dolls.
To start, I’m not covering Barbie because I believe there is
something shameful about the human body. That’s absolutely ridiculous and I
believe just the opposite. I think God
created us (males and females) absolutely beautiful. I am very comfortable talking with my
children about our bodies and how we can delight that God made each person
unique and special. My kids (ages 2 and
3) sometimes see me change clothes. We
don’t make a habit of it, but if they walk in the room I don’t yell at them or
cower into the closet. They have been
known for busting into the bathroom when I’ve snuck away to use the restroom and
have forgotten to lock the door. Addi
saw me nurse Josiah until he was 9 months old and we are comfortable letting
other moms nurse around us. They are still
pretty young so we still let them take a bath together and during our potty
training attempts we typically have quite a bit of “nakie” time. We definitely do not foster an atmosphere
where the body is seen as embarrassing or shameful.
Now, please don’t misunderstand, we do value modesty in our
home. We try to teach Addi not to show her panties when she is wearing a skirt
or dress. We make sure they understand
that they are not allowed to wrestle in the bathtub and we have a general rule
that they can’t wrestle with friends of the opposite sex. I’m not going to go into any other specifics
but the point is, I don’t feel they are going to learn much about modesty by
looking at a painted swimsuit on a doll.
Instead, I plan to share with them our definition of modesty
and how it differs from many people’s definition within our culture. Many people seem to think that if you are modest you either hate
your body or are embarrassed by it. To
me, modesty is a mindset about how we should use our body in the way it was
created and intended to be used- for the glory of God.
Modesty begins with the desires of the heart. A woman should examine her motives and goals
for the way she dresses. Is her intent to show the grace and beauty of
womanhood or is it to call attention to herself? You see, we
can be fully clothed and still demonstrate immodesty through our actions.
When a woman dresses in a way that draws attention to her
body or acts in a way that tempts a man to lust after her, she wants to feel
good about herself. She wants to feel
admired and appreciated, maybe even loved by others. However, what many women don’t realize is
that men don’t typically think, “Wow, she looks cute.” In reality, he is most likely neglecting to
think about her as a person at all and is picturing her naked.
For a long time I still didn’t understand the significance
of this or the depth of the problem. I believed
that their thoughts were just longings (the way I long for chocolate on
stressful days). In my mind, lust was
their problem and I should not have to change how I dressed to appease their ridiculousness. However, upon having real conversations with
men and asking lots of questions I realized it went much further that just a
desire. Most men, when they are lusting
after a woman, are not viewing her as a beautiful person created in God’s
image. Instead they are seeing her as an
object that can be the means to fulfilling a sexual desire. They are literally picturing having sex with
the woman. This is why many times a
man’s body will physically respond to images pictured in their head. I remember when I first discovered the truth
about how most men think. I was
disgusted with men. I equated their
lustful thoughts to “mental rape.” Harsh
words, I know, but in my mind, women’s bodies were being used for the
gratification of another without permission.
I also grew in my understanding of scripture passages that
speak to men about lust. Specifically,
in Matthew chapter 5 Jesus himself says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You
shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman
with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Wow.
So, if I dress in a way that tempts men to lust, and if they fall into
temptation, I have essentially caused them to commit adultery. My heart became a little more heavy. Men could fall into sin because I was too
selfish to make sure that my cleavage wasn’t highlighted by the style of my shirt
or because I didn’t stop to see if my pants were cupping my butt a little too
tightly. Yikes.
Now, thankfully there are Godly men out there who understand
the depth of this issue and they strive to fight against lust not only to honor
the Lord but also their wives (or even their future wives). Many Godly men take action steps like turning
their head when an immodest woman appears in a movie, T.V. show or a
commercial. Some rely on a passage of scripture
they’ve memorized. Many make choices not
to hang out with women who dress a particular way. It’s not that they incapable of simply
appreciating beauty, but because of the fall, it’s natural for their thoughts
to distort beauty into fulfilling a desire to feel pleasured. The fight for them is to see a beautiful
woman and control their mind. This is
just as hard as if I were to ask you to stop reading this paragraph. You can’t.
Seriously, stop reading the words right now. You can’t, can you? It just comes naturally. You see, this isn’t a battle they can fight
by themselves. Women have to help. The bible calls us to love others greater
than ourselves. This means we need to
help in anyway we can, even if we have to give up our slightly too revealing
blouse that is really soft and comfortable or our favorite bikini that took us
three years to find. This doesn’t mean
we have to dress outdated or frumpy.
There are women all though out history who have modeled modesty and
class. Women like Eva Gabor, Audrey
Hepburn, Grace Kelly, Princess Diana, Diane Sawyer, Katie Couric, Kate
Middleton, and Jennifer Gardner. These
are highly respected women who don’t use their bodies to gain power or
influence over others.
In fact, many women really don’t understand that the
attention they are seeking through provocative behavior and attire is actually
destructive. It strips her of the
ability to protect and guard her own body.
We can’t protect the image of ourselves in someone else’s imagination. When we dress and conduct ourselves in a way
that leads others to see our worth, that
is how we gain more power and respect. So,
we must ask ourselves daily if we want to be “appreciated” for our body or appreciated
for our complete personhood (our thoughts, opinions, personality, emotions,
intellect, and beauty). Modesty is not
about completely hiding our bodies but more about revealing our dignity and
honoring God.
Eventually, when my children are old enough and mature
enough to discuss anatomy I plan on talking through he whole gamut of things
that every young lady and gentleman need to know. I know eventually my little boy will probably
point at the Barbie and identify her “boobies” but this no more surprising than
the thought of him making farting sounds in the crook of his arm. Good conversations and opportunities for
instruction are always upon us, right?
The thing is, we must be willing to take advantage of these opportunities
and not pass the buck to someone or something else. A few weeks ago I had a friend (a mother of
four young girls) post on facebook about how sick she was about all the naked
Barbies laying around her house. Her
post included something along the lines of, “I’m just going to hot glue their
clothes on so I don’t have to deal with it anymore.” I found this quite hysterical especially since
I can sympathize with the battle. However,
a friend of hers responded to her post by saying that naked Barbies were
healthy for girls because they need to learn about true anatomy from somewhere.
I about fell out of my chair when I read
that. Really? Because the last time I looked Barbie’s body
doesn’t teach anything about true anatomy.
Does this lady not know how incredibly disproportionate Barbie’s body
actually is? If this is where little girls
are learning about true anatomy then someone needs to call up Mattel and start
complaining that Barbie doesn’t have nipples, leg hair, etc. In my opinion, exposing our children to nude,
unrealistic examples of a woman’s body should not be our chief approach to
teaching them about their own bodies…ever.
Instead we need to talk to our children. Not just once, but all the time. Make it regular thing so that it’s not
embarrassing or awkward. If you
establish this early, your kids will feel comfortable to come to you when they
are older and need your wisdom and advice.
Of course, you must be cautious and use discernment about what they are
mature enough to hear. Some lessons you
can begin teaching even as toddlers. Pay
attention to their hearts desire for attention and speak to them about not
seeking approval from others.
I want to teach my daughter that she will never develop
greater self-esteem by seeking attention (good or bad) from others. I’m hoping to teach her that our Heavenly
Father created her in His image. That he
knit her together in my womb. In this
world her body will never be perfect, and neither will anyone else’s, so she
has no reason to compare herself with others. Every person on this planet has
flaws but God sees them as beautiful because He created them just the way they
are. Barbies, on the other hand, are plastic images that we should never even
try to compare ourselves with. I hope she will understand how unique and extraordinary
she really is.
As a little girl, I want to begin teaching her that her body
is special and, because it is special…it’s not for everyone. If everyone who joined the Army received a
purple heart, that very distinguished honor would soon not seem as special
anymore. In the same way, if she gives herself
away to anyone willing to show her attention, she will soon lose confidence
that she is beautiful and worthy of true love.
I pray that she will have enough self worth not to seek attention from
others. I hope that one day she will be
married to a man who will love her for every aspect of who she really is and
that he alone will enjoy her intimately.
In regards to my son, I hope that I can teach him to respect
and honor women with his thoughts, his words, and his actions. I hope to see him one day pursue a woman who
sees herself in the image of God and is choosing to honor the Lord with her
body. I pray that both of my children
will pursue purity of their hearts and minds.
So, in conclusion, I’ll finally answer the question, “Why
did I paint my daughter’s Barbies?”
Well…because I wanted to, I think it looks adorable, Addi likes it, and
because I know it will spur on edifying conversations among my kiddos and I.
Ephesians 5:15-17
Be very careful, then, how you
live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because
the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's
will is.
1 Peter 3:3-4
Your beauty should not come from
outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and
fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading
beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
Philippians 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or
vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Hebrews 10:24
And let us consider how we may
spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
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