God Just Wants My Joy

Today I want to introduce a sweet college friend.  Lindsay is an amazing woman.  She's a military wife whose husband has completed several tours overseas, a mother of two energetic boys, and will soon be having a darling little girl.  She is an encouragement to me because of her dedication to her family.  She loves the Lord and I'm so grateful she took the time to share what He's been teaching her recently.

The thing I love (and dislike) most about motherhood is the way it consistently makes me confront my own selfishness. It never fails that whenever I sit down on the couch and just get settled into the cushions, one of my children will shout that he needs to be wiped, that he needs another snack or to fix something broken, and I have to get up again.

Ugh. Selfishness. It’s always there. Early in the morning when my 3-year-old walks in the room and says “I need breakfast” it’s there, and at 11pm when he’s coming back downstairs for the eighth time, three hours after bedtime, asking for a different blanket, it’s there. My desire to do what I want when I want is a battle more often than I’d like. I’m thankful that God is willing to refine me through my role as a mom, but boy is it ugly!

But that’s what becoming like Jesus is supposed to be--- horribly difficult but ultimately good. Necessary pain. …. Right? Well, that’s what I thought until a recent conversation with my oldest broadened my perspective.

“Ethan, it’s time to get dressed and go have fun with friends. We’re going to play in a fountain, have some lunch, and we can even get some cookies afterward!”
“Noooooooooooooooooo! I must stay NAKED!!!” (Imagine writhing in the floor with kicking and screaming.)
“Ethan, did you hear me? I said FRIENDS and COOKIES! I have lots of fun planned for us today, and I would really like for you to cooperate, so you can have fun, too.”

I paused. What in the world did I just say? I want you to cooperate so that you can have fun.  Isn’t that what God tries to tell me on a daily basis? I fight obedience for crazy reasons, even when God has been nothing but good to me. Twenty years as a Christian and I’m still the equivalent of a spiritual toddler.

But God had more to show me later that day when I watched my boys laughing hysterically during a wrestling match. Watching them play and squeal was so delightful and so refreshing! And that’s when it hit me:

God desires my joy.  Just as much as He wants obedience, He wants my complete contentment. And He wants my obedience so that I can actually have contentment. I’ve had  head-knowledge of that for years, but my heart didn’t until I was a parent.

Growing up in a church that emphasized the sacrifice and trials of Christian life, it was easier to understand “peace that passes all understanding” than it was to embrace actual joy. When I think of Biblical heroes, my mind immediately recalls the anguish they faced while following God’s will. I think of Abraham being called to sacrifice his son, Job’s undesired mission to Ninevah, Paul’s imprisonment, John’s exile, Jesus’ crucifixion. The list isn’t short, and I expect following Jesus to be difficult and painful, albeit full of unexplainable peace. The old saying “If God didn’t spare his son, why would he spare me?” comes to mind.

But when I find so much joy watching my boys giggle together until they can barely breathe, I more fully understand the heart of God. My heart feels like it might explode when I see them enjoying life together. I am truly the happiest when they are happy. So, how much more must God want our joy? How much more does He utterly delight in our happiness and contentment?

While an unbelievable amount of sacrifice is required while mothering tiny humans, I find so much encouragement realizing that God desires my heart to be full, bursting with laughter and enjoyment of the life he’s given me… not merely trudging through with sighs and martyrdom. I can’t claim to know the secret of always feeling happy to serve when my body is exhausted, but the knowing that He isn’t seeking to make me miserable to make me holy is revolutionizing.

God just wants my joy. And that makes Him much, much easier to obey.

"Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.
If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love;
just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.
These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you,
and that your joy may be made full."
John 15:9-11

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Fighting for Faith: After loss and in the midst of uncertainty.

This week I would love for all of you to be encouraged by my dear friend Kate.  She has been through struggles I cannot even fathom and her faith in the midst of trials is astonishing.  I love hearing the story of how God has transformed her heart and is continuing to work in her.  Because we both stay so busy we don't hang out as much as I would like but she's the  type of friend you always feel comfortable with and can always pick up exactly where you've left off.  She is such an encourager and even on difficult days the joy of the Lord radiates from her.  So, here are some words to think on from Kate.

 Kate is due in November of 2013!

As you can see Nathan is thrilled with the news:)

I am honored to be the mommy of a two year old little boy on this earth, a baby that God is knitting together in my womb, and four precious children that I never had a chance to meet on this earth, but that I will worship Jesus with one day. I also have the privilege of taking care of some other children in my in home daycare. We have a busy, loud house and I love it!

After an abortion at 19 and then (10 years later) three miscarriages, God blessed my husband and I with a healthy, sweet, funny little boy that we not only got to take home from the hospital but also get to raise and point toward Jesus every day. He brings such joy to our lives and I am so thankful to be his mommy. 

Here we are, 2 years later, walking the same road of another high risk pregnancy. Things are going a bit differently this time around. I have some health complications (other than miscarriages) that make pregnancy challenging and that can cause health problems for the baby growing inside me. And although I am not doing things differently than I did with my first born things are just not going as I would like. My phenylalanine levels have been too high since week 8 of this pregnancy and I am now in week 16. Nothing seems to be bringing them down and whenever I think that they must be going in the right direction they go even higher than they were before. On top of health concerns for this baby we also have a few (minor) health concerns for our son, we are packing up and moving houses in the next month, and there are job transitions and changes that come with moving as well. This is a season of change, transition, and uncertainty. And God is teaching us through it all to trust Him more deeply.

In the midst of all the uncertainties and questions swirling around in my mind and heart I have to ask myself one thing day by day (and really moment by moment.) Am I trusting God in this? Am I resting in Him? Am I clinging to Him? (Ok, three things!) Honestly, in this season and in this pregnancy (much more than in the last one) the fight for faith is harder for me. I am so prone to worry and be fearful about all the unknowns.  Taking every thought, every fear, and every worry captive is difficult and I am learning now more than ever that I must do battle and fight for faith. 

So here is what fighting for faith looks like for me these days. I definitely do not have it all figured out (or even close to figured out!) and some days are better than others but here are some things that have been helping me to trust The Lord in everything that is going on. I have to stop and pray a lot throughout the day (and night) and with kids that means saying "ok, mommy needs to ask God for help now" and just praying right there as we are playing or eating or whatever we are doing. (I need to be doing this more with them anyway throughout our day, but thats another blog for another day!) There is a lot of confessing my need for Him, a lot of confessing my sinful, anxious heart when I am fearful, and a lot of seeking out, clinging to, meditating on, and praying specific promises in the bible and a lot of praying that The Lord would change my heart by His word. 

Jeremiah 15:16 says, Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O LORD, God of hosts.

My prayer is that this may be true of me, that I would find His words, be nourished by them, and that my heart would remain joyful in The Lord no matter what the circumstances are. 

Here are a few verses that I have been fighting for faith with in this season:

Isaiah 41:10 - fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 121 - I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

Psalm 139 - For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

Psalm 27 - One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock.

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

There are many others, but I will just list these! I am thankful that every promise is yes and amen in Christ Jesus. I may not know how this pregnancy or any circumstance is going to turn out in my life but I do know that this is true. 

Romans 8:31-32 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

He is giving me exactly what I need and what is best for me. He is showing me now more than ever my need for Him and I would not know Him or trust Him in the same way if it wasn't for each of the circumstances He has walked us through and is currently walking us through. It is a hard battle to fight for faith and at times I am weary, but it is worth it.  I am not promised that I will meet this baby on this side of heaven but I am promised that Emmanual, God with us, is with me in this. He is not leaving me or forsaking me and in that I can rest.

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Benefit of the Doubt

I remember about six years ago I went to a women’s fellowship at our church and someone spoke on the topic of loving others.  There was one specific thing that has stuck with me every day since then.  If we are to be unified we need to make sure to love others by always assuming the best about them, giving them the benefit of the doubt, and never questioning their motives. This was not easy for me.  I have always been skeptical of others and imagined what others thought about me (which led to great amounts of insecurity).  Instead, we should focus on our identity in Christ and whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things (Phil 4:8-9).

I have been trying to put this into practice and it has dramatically changed my relationships with others, but I've noticed one thing recently, I’m not yet in the habit of this with my children.

Let me be the first to point out that Addilyn is stubborn (and she definitely gets that from me).  She likes to make decisions and she likes to be in control.  Although these traits can be used in a positive way, it is very hard for a 3 year old to understand appropriate boundaries.  For a few months now we have been trying to foster a since of independence (and problem solving) but also helping her to understand that she is not the boss, she needs to ask for help, she must still submit to authority, and she will not always get her way.  Great lessons for a 3 year old.  Great lessons for us all.  However, in my pursuit to teach her this, I noticed that I don’t give her the benefit of the doubt.  I often assume her persistence in something I would not typically approve of is simply defiance.

I’ve told my husband on numerous occasions to pay close attention to Addi when she is playing or completing a task.  Many times if she is doing something that seems silly or inappropriate to us, she usually has a pretty good reason for it.  For example, the other day, Addi was moving a dining room chair across the kitchen floor and into the living room.  I asked her why she was moving the chair and she responded, “I need to.”  I followed with, “Why do you need to?” And her response was, “I just do.”  Now, normally I would keep at this and ask a few more questions or just tell her to stop and return the chair to its proper place.  However, I was distracted with a mess Josiah was making and let her continue with what she was doing.  While taking care of Josiah I noticed he had a poopy diaper.   I stood up and turned around to go get a diaper and there was Addi, standing there and smiling (with a diaper and wipes in hand) and said, “Mommy, I help you change Siah?”   She had finished moving the chair, so she could stand on it to reach the diaper bag (hanging at the top of the coat rack), so that she could bring me a diaper and wipes because she knew that her brother had a poopy diaper and she wanted to be helpful to her Mommy. *Sigh

She could not communicate all of that as clearly or in as much depth as I would have…because she just turned three years old.  Three.  I am 27 years older than her.  Why on earth do I expect her to act like me and know how to communicate like a 30 year old?

Now, I don’t want to use this as a means to justify sinful actions, but just to remind myself of her age and her capabilities.  I also think it is good to challenge your kids and push them to become better in areas.  So, for example, continuing to have the dialog so that she can learn to articulate her plan.  I pray that God will give me the patience to listen to her form a thought, and maybe stutter through it, or repeat things that don’t make sense.  Either way, this can be a way I can love her and promote peace and unity in our home.

Just for kicks, I wanted to share with you several other examples all from the same exact day.

Every morning the first thing we do when Addi wakes up is take off her pull up and put on her panties.  This particular morning however, we got into an argument because she didn’t want to put on panties.

“Addi, please go take off your pull up and put on panties.” 

“Mommy, I have panties but I need a pull up.” 

“No, hun, you are not a baby, you are a big girl.  You don’t need a pull up.  Go put on your panties.” 

“I HAVVVVVVE panties!” (Accompanied by crocodile tears). 

“Addi, I know you are upset, but you need to listen and obey mommy.  Go get your panties right now.”

She walked away crying and I heard her dresser drawer in her room open and close so I assumed she was changing.  I went to get Josiah out of his crib and noticed the poor thing had a blow out.  After changing him, I returned to their bedroom to remove Josiah’s sheets.  I figured if I was going to wash his sheets, I would go ahead and change Addis sheets too.  Her sippy cup was lying on her bed and had evidently been dripping for a while creating a huge wet spot. “This is the exact reason we don’t allow cups in the bedroom,” I thought, becoming angrier at her disobedience.  About 20 minutes later I found her panties I had asked her to put on lying in the floor.  I called her in the room to speak to me.  Fighting to maintain a calm tone of voice, I said,

“Addi I told you to put on your panties. “ 

“Mommy, I have panties.” 

“No Addi.  You panties are right here.” I held them up to show her.  “Here let mommy help you.”

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  All the dots were starting to connect.  I had a flood of understanding the second I touched her.  She DID have panties!  She had slept in them all night and was soaked clean through!

The night before was our small group night.  She was supposed to be in childcare.  We had put her in pajamas but planned for her to play and then get into a pull up before actual bedtime. However, she and her brother had few meltdowns, which made Josh and I to decide to put her and Josiah to bed early.  I forgot to put her in a pull up.  She tried telling me, but I did not listen! I assumed the worst about her.  I did not give her the benefit of the doubt.  She had a reason for saying and doing what she did, but I was not paying attention.

The rest of the day I was much more attentive to this.  Especially when she kept asking me to carry her around the house.  I could not figure out why she was acting so needy but through a series of questions I discovered she had a cut on the bottom of her foot and she didn’t want to walk because it hurt.

After naptime Addi was continually begging for snacks.  She had already had two and I could not figure out why she was so hungry.  Eventually, it came out that Josiah stole her peanut butter and jelly sandwich from her plate and she had not actually eaten her lunch like I thought.

Later that evening, bath time shed light on another example. Addilyn will, on occasion, throw a huge tantrum about not wanting to take a bath. That evening was no exception. Through many tears, she told me, “It hurts my hair.”  By the grace of God through the lesson I was learning I was able to translate that to “ I don’t want to take a bath because I know we will wash my hair. And, since I have tons of curls that get tangled easily, it hurts when we have to brush it out.”

I share all of this with you to encourage you to take a moment.  Listen to your child.  Ask questions and assume that there is a reason they are acting the way they are.  If we can apply the same principle to our children that we do other relationships we can show them grace, love, and mercy and ultimately show them a picture of Christ.

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An Opposite World

So, as I mentioned last week we have been extremely busy.  Instead of writing a blog post of my own this week I wanted to point each of you to a "must read" that I think will encourage (and may even convict) many of you.  Happy reading friends!

Having Babies in an Opposite World

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Delight in the Lord and Rejoice in the Interruptions

Life is crazy!  Crazy busy that is!  Doesn’t there just seems like there is always something to do, somewhere to go, and someone to see?   For an extreme extrovert like me, I usually thrive in this kind of environment.  But, for every party we host, for every function we attend and for all the people we visit, a to-do list evolves and tasks begin to intrude upon the time I can spend with my husband and children.  The dishes and laundry do not disappear during the busy seasons of life.  Children still need to be feed, toilets still need to be scrubbed, diapers still need to be changed; groceries still need to be bought.  The little things don’t just go away when you are busy.  Things still need to be done even when you are planning a birthday party or having a yard sale.  The necessities of life will vie for your time even when family is in town visiting, you’re throwing a baby shower, or when you suddenly have a funeral to attend.

The month of April has been this kind of busy season for us.  With that said, I just wanted to take a moment to boast in our loving God who has shown me more grace than I can even begin to describe in the midst of our crazy schedule. I am thankful that even though I’ve had much less sleep then what I think I need, He has ordained circumstances so that I have had some amazingly awesome quiet times.  I have been studying Philippians to prepare for an upcoming bible study and the things the Spirit has been teaching and convicting me of have been so rich.

In addition, I am thankful for the interruptions I’ve had recently.    Yes, you read that correctly, I did say interruptions.  A few months back a dear friend of mine asked for a group of us ladies to pray that she would be willing to be inconvenienced.  Wow, What a great prayer, I thought.    Willing to be inconvenienced.  Hmmm, oh to think on all the times that my heart responds in frustration (anger) when I am interrupted in the middle of a conversation, a project, or let’s be honest even in the middle of a shower. When my plan or even just my comfort is compromised I am so easily tempted to react in a way that dishonors the Lord.  So, all that to say, recently, despite the jammed packed schedule and my endless to-do list I am realizing that I AM thankful for the interruptions I’ve had (most of the time).  Knowing my personality and I can confidently say that this is not of myself, but genuinely a gift from the Lord. 

I am thankful that God is currently giving me the grace to stop writing this blog post to help Addi redress her doll who’s shirt just won’t go back on right.  In the past few days he has given me the wisdom and discernment to stop folding laundry long enough to transform a bed sheet into a parachute, to sword fight with my “pirates” using the wooden spoon I was placing in the drawer from the dishwasher, to march in a parade around our living room, to play in the dirt on a sunny day, to scoop up my kids in my arms and dance to a silly song they’ve made up, to genuinely enjoy in the little things of life and the magnificent blessings God has poured out on me. 

Time goes by much too quickly, especially when we fill it with tons of events and activities.  So, this week no matter what else you have going on, I want to encourage you first to delight in the Lord.  Make time to be in the Word and in prayer.  Secondly, rejoice in the interruptions.  Turn all those little “inconveniences” into memories you will cherish forever.

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Mommy Guilt

This week I have to joy of introducing my friend Charlotte.  Charlotte, and her family were part of my church for several years (her husband lead our small group for awhile) but about a year ago they moved to another state.  I'm thankful that we can still keep in touch and love one another through prayer, email, and the occasional phone call.

Hi!  My name is Charlotte, and I am mommy to two precious little girls.  My oldest is Cara (3).  She is a wonderful little ball of energy.  I am entertained daily by her incredible imagination.  She is challenging and strong willed, but she is a blast!  My youngest is Anna (8 months).  There is a word that I think describes her very well: sweet.  She is such a calm, happy little girl. I love watching her discover the world around her.  These two ladies are a source of indescribable joy for me. 

 I LOVE being a mommy.  Now, this is not to say there are not days where I want to cry and pull my hair out, but I see being a mommy to these two little ladies as a gift and a calling.  And aside from being a helpmate to my hubby, I see being a mom as my primary ministry.  I have two precious charges in my care who do not know Jesus.  It is my desperate plea daily that God would awaken their souls to newness of life.  I pray they would love Jesus with their whole beings.  So my goal is to point their hearts to our Rescuer, our Savior, our Lord.  But as any mom can tell you, there are a million things that can happen in any given day to distract us from this high goal.  And personally, I have found that mommy guilt is one of the biggest traps I so easily fall into.

We moms are not perfect.  We mess up a million times a day.  We snap at our kids. We can be lazy, preoccupied, ungrateful, unmerciful, critical . . . . You can fill in the blank.  Mothers are sinners.  We will not be perfect.  But that is where scriptures such as Philippians 1:6 come in to play: “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” And Romans 8:1: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”  For the Christian mom, the mom who places her full hope in Jesus Christ, we are no longer dead in our sins.  Christ has breathed new life into our hearts.  We are his.  We are clothed in HIS righteousness.  And because we are His, He WILL continually be rooting out sin in our lives.  But moms, this is a GOOD thing.  Very good.  He is stripping away what causes death and cultivating what brings forth life.  He is as a Father with his children, disciplining us for our good and His glory.  But sometimes we are very quick to wallow in our sin.  We see the sin, we grieve over it, and we sit there, powerless, in it.  All we can see is how we messed up.  It paralyzes us.  We are overrun by guilt.  Moms, this should not be!!!  When God the Father looks at us He does not see our sin any longer.  He sees His Son, the perfect Lamb---the ONLY acceptable sacrifice.  Moms, there is therefore now NO condemnation for us in Jesus!  God is continuing a GOOD work in us!  That is freedom, ladies, and we should walk in it!  When we turn from our sins and walk in the power of the Holy Spirit to be the mothers God has called us to be, our children will see and be pointed to the sufficiency of the cross.  This has impact for eternity.  If they see their moms just sitting in guilt, this will also have an impact on them.  If we live as if we are condemned, we are saying our sins are too big for our God.  We certainly don’t want to communicate that to our children!

Then there is another area of guilt: when we feel guilty for things we have no business feeling guilty for.  This can happen when we compare ourselves to other moms.  We look at what that mom over there is doing with her kids and feel we need to be doing the same thing.  Dangerous ground to be treading, mommies!  You see, God has created each of us differently with different gifts and abilities.  You are not called to be doing what that mom over there is doing.  You are called to use the gifts God has given you to raise your kids to know and fear God.  That doesn’t mean we don’t learn from other moms.  Titus speaks of older women training younger women.  We NEED other moms to encourage us, give advice, cheer us on.  I have learned so much from other mothers.  Indeed, I would not have much of a clue about godly parenting if not for the example of other women in my life.  But we are not to try to be these other moms. 

But in addition to trying to be like other moms, I also have my own ideals.  I can feel like a pole-vaulter.  I am looking at the bar high up in the air.  I want to not just clear it but to soar ever so gracefully over it.  So I get ready, I race towards that high bar, I plunge my pole into the ground, my body soars into the air, I can see that bar . . . but I miss—I don’t even get close.  My body plummets back down to the ground, and I land flat on my back.  I stare, looking back up at that high bar that seems a million miles away, and despair washes over me.  I cannot reach that high bar no matter how hard I try. So I sit in my guilt.  I feel guilty for not reaching all these lofty goals I set for myself.  I feel guilty for not reaching my version of a perfect momma.  But, I am learning that my version of a perfect momma and God’s version of a perfect momma are rarely the same. 

I was talking to a dear (and very wise) friend the other day.  I was sharing with her how I had been struggling so much with guilt.  And she shared with me some very wise counsel.  So friends, if you are like me and struggle with guilt, read carefully.  Joy and guilt cannot coexist.  If I am so busy feeling guilty about everything, my girls are not going to have a joy-filled momma.  This is HUGE, ladies.  We all see how our children pick up on our attitudes.  If we are living under the weight of guilt, it is like we are carrying around a boulder on our backs.  We are so busy trying to live under the weight of this rock that very little of our energy is focused on being a mommy that shows our children the beauty of the Gospel.  In Matthew 11:30, Jesus says that his yoke is easy and his burden is light.  We are not meant to be carrying a boulder.  Instead, we are to be focused on the truths and promises of His Word, and we are to be walking in these promises. We are to be meditating on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith who gives us everything we need for life and godliness.  Ladies, we are clothed in Jesus.  When God looks at us, He sees the shed blood of His Son covering us.  Jesus’s blood is strong enough to cover all our failures, and He is powerful enough to transform us into the moms He calls us to be.  It is not about us, girls.  It is about Jesus.  And that brings JOY.  And when we are living in this joy, our children will see.  They will see what the Gospel is truly all about—sinners made perfect through Jesus’s atoning blood.  And that, my friends, is the best news we will ever hear.  That is what brings joy indescribable.  And that is what we hope for our children.  To know Jesus and to walk in this joy.  So, sweet sisters, don’t sit in guilt.  Live a life that adores, treasures, and finds its rest in Jesus.  This is what we want our kids to see and know.  This is what will have an impact for eternity.

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Knowing God- the best methodology out there!

Hey everyone!  This morning I have the pleasure of introducing to you one of the most Jesus-loving and intentional friends I know, Kari.  In everything she does, she has a biblical basis for it.  She always is trying to discern how God is working within every detail of her life.  She humbly sets a great example for those of us who were not raised in that type of culture but long to set that example for our own children.

Hello all! I am so thankful to have this opportunity to share. My name is Kari. I have a little man, Titus, who is 6 yrs. old, and two daughters, Eliana (4 1/2 yrs going on 17) and Leala (who just turned 3 and is just happy to be here). :) My two princesses stay busy spinning in tutus and playing "house" in which their story lines usually involve rescuing and caring for orphans from a distant land. In the midst of all that precious  playtime come selfishness, fits, and tears :). My first born has a super sensitive heart toward the things of God and would tell you his role as a man is "to protect and provide." He loves learning, legos, listening to the Bible, and loves his friends and family. Since Titus has hit age 6, though, we have begun to shift our understanding of how we discipline and train Titus. Not all of his mishaps these days are out of "defiance" like they used to be when he was 5 and under. A lot of his mishaps recently are from a simple lack of character. Ex. He is jumping around being goofy, trying to get attention, and in the process he knocks his sister in the head with his knight sword. Or he doesn't knock anyone with anything but we notice he is being overly silly with the purpose to get all eyes on him. Or he responds to a simple dilemma with lots of emotional crying. Titus has entered a new age and stage in life. He understands "respect and authority" and generally seeks to honor God in how he relates to adults. But, new things are happening...New attitudes, new ideas, new struggles, new emotions, and new hurts. This is the background that God is using to shape me in my recent views of child training. 

There is a lot that Mommies can learn and share with others in regards to methods of child training. Yet methods often change and flex even as we assess each of our own children's needs that correspond to their ages/stages. The One who never changes is the "method" (per se) that I want to write about today. 

The most helpful place I can ever point a Mommy to is God Himself. One God, who exists in three persons- the Father, Son, and Spirit, whom we have been created to enjoy intimately. There are so many times as a Mom that I literally put my hands in my face during my kids squabbles and just cry out to God for help. Both kids are being selfish, neither wants to consider the other, pointing them to a Scripture proves ineffective to work sorrow or true change, and when i try the Christian hedonism route- "but THIS would make you most happy"...they both plainly declare, "then I don't WANT to be happy." (Cross arms and pout). 

Well, they are right. My children were born into a world of sin where even their own hearts don't desire God. God is the only One who desires God, and God is the only One who causes us to desire Him. For "there is none righteous, no, not one; there is none who understands; There is none who seeks after God." Romans 3:10-11In and of themselves, they are right...they DON'T want to be happy. 

Hmmm...options now. I could simply discuss the issue privately instructing what sin each one needs to "put off" or what righteousness to "put on" instead, spank each one for being sinful toward each other, pray for restitution and forgiveness, reaffirm their acceptance as my son or daughter, and afterwards simply put away the game they were playing that was so tempting to them. OR I could do all of that but make them go back and work out a way to play the game peacefully. I could just realize that everyone is tired and put everyone to bed early....show mercy with no spankings, but game over. Or I could choose a host of other approaches. 

Yet, at this point in the day, with this particular squabble, I realized by the sensitivity of the Holy Spirit, that using those "methods" today wasn't going to be a tutor to bring them to Christ. The way this day had gone, I didn't feel like those usual methods would effect true repentance or heart change with my two older children, and that's what we ultimately desire as parents, heart change, right? 

Sigh. The life of a mom- "what do I do?" I called my  husband at work for his godly and wise ideas, and he didn't  pick up. Thus, the question remained, "What do I do?" as children are sitting in front of me already dictating to me the consequences they DON'T want. 

In these moments there often isn't a book answer. Thankfully God gives us many of these moments so we can't take pride in thinking we have it all figured out. Yes, we should study the Scriptures and have resources to know how to train and discipline our children. Yes, we should read books by godly authors and sift through their logic to discern if their methods are reflective of God's heart. Yes, we should be diligent to enact the things we learn with raising our children to teach them to love God and love others. Yes, we should refuse to coast and just "do what our parents did" with no thought or seeking the Scriptures.  As the Scriptures say, "let everyone be convinced in his own mind." Rom 14:5. John Piper just asserted in a sermon I listened to that "we need more convictions" in the church "not less!" Yes. Yes. Yes. 

And YES, you will have moments still when none of these methods work or moments when you look at your child and realize that the stage he/she is in at this very moment is...different. And though you may have had resources and felt confident when he was 5yrs old, a logical and yet sensitive 6 yr old is now looking you in the eyes, and you feel resource-less. And those are the moments I write about today. 

I feel the difference in my heart in parenting when I have had a week where I have really walked by the Spirit because I have been close to God through His Word and prayer. Those are the weeks where I really realize my desperate need for God. When that kind of humility drives my "parenting ship," the results are helpful, encouraging, and fruitful. I STILL may not know how to handle a fit or a disagreement, but I am ok with not knowing because I know that God is ultimately their heart changer, not me. 

My exhortation to Mommies today is simple. It's just two words,"know God." God is the only One in these moments that can help you. Know Father God. Oh, Father God! You delight to give us the kingdom. You patiently endure with us. You discipline us with brokenness in Your own heart. You sing over us while smiling. You give us not only the things we need but the things we want. You lavish and You withhold. You already know the deep places we fear to let others in. You are forever wise and have ALL the answers, yet intentionally do not tell us those answers some days. You are merciful and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in goodness and truth. You forgive sin yet never let the guilty go unpunished. Oh Father, we love you. Cause us to know You, Father God. 

Know Jesus. Jesus. (Sigh, pause, and smile.) Our Teacher. Our Lover. Our intercessor. The One whose hands are the lifter of our heads. Our ultimate example of selflessness. The One who came to serve not be served. The humble One who deserved it all yet never demanded it. Our healer. The One who is full of grace and yet simultaneously full of truth...who knows the perfect moment to say the perfect words to that exact person. The One who took my place, took my punishment, and took my condemnation, so I can live like I never did any wrong. Your work on the cross silences my accusers. Wow. My good news. My Lover. My Savior.

Know the Spirit. Mysterious Spirit! Your whispers delight my soul. Your comfort outweighs any other. Your ministry to my soul is unexplainably precious. Your conviction often comes through encouragement. You praise Christ at work in me when the crowd is silent. You work change...softly and tenderly as Jesus calls, You work. You give gifts that enable the body to thrive. You tell me what to do when I feel frozen. You calm my rage and calm my fears. You are a Spirit of peace. With you I am safe, for your purpose is to glorify the Son. Spirit of wind. Spirit of fire. 

Mommies, come, let us return to the Lord! Let us press on to know the Lord! He is our Lord, our God, our Maker! And as we go to the secret places with our God, we will often hear a voice behind us saying, "this is the way to parent, walk in it." And it may look different than what we read in our parenting book that day. And other days we will hear His silence in those difficult parenting moments. Yet, frustration will not result in our hearts, rather a soft smile will spread across our faces. Perhaps that day, it's not about us having a champion parenting moment. Perhaps that day it's not about our kids having the perfect parenting parent. Perhaps God just wants us to see, "wow, that's what I look like when I am selfish." Perhaps God wants us to simply feel humbled by not having all the perfect parenting answers. Perhaps His silence means something amazing that we will never know this side of Heaven. And our hearts will then be kept in perfect peace when our minds are stayed on Him because we trust in Him. Because we know Him. "Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.” -Hosea 6:3

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